hangin on

there' a line in a song, "losin hope is easy, when your only friend is gone" that in a way, gets to me. see i just recently lost almost everything that can be takin from me. my fiance, my house, everything in my house, two cars, my license, and my job. so hope has been runnin farely thin. i had a friend who i held very dear to my heart but that has also been lost. everyone knows that life is easier to handle with friends by your side so when you lose those who are important to you it gets that much harder. i had a very good friend that i knew would be by my side no matter what and i know she still would if i needed her but unfortunately our friendship has been deceased. i dont wanna lose her as a friend but ive had to let her go because being just friends was too hard on her because theres feelings involved. i love her (as a friend) so of coure i dont wanna lose her but i had to make the sacrafice for her. yes at this moment in my life i need good friends and my list is quite small but out of respect for her i have to let her go. so ill keep hangin on because i still have good things in my life that im am very greatful for.

love is easy when your loved

when somebody loves you it feels good...it feels awsome!!! the hard part is loving somebody even if they dont love you back. im not only referring to love when your with someone, im talking about unconditional love itself. now im not a big fan of ''living by the book", even though i was brought up in a strong christian home, but the bible says to love even your enemy. well im not sayin i love my enemies but i dont fill my heart with hate for them. see ive learned that no matter what someone does to you or how bad they hurt you, hating them doenst fix anything. the only person it ends up effecting is you and the people you do love that are around you. hate can cloud your heart and fill you with anger until it consumes your entire being and you become someone your not. so throughout life ive come to the conclusion that after everything one may have put me through, i will never live my life hating them. yeah the scars will remain forever but without scars you have no story to tell. plus chicks dig scars right? ;) anyway what im saying is anybody can love someone when they're loved, can you love those who dont love you?

how it turns out

during life you'll be faced with millions of decisions. you may make the wrong one or the right one but whichever one you choose it will lead you down very different paths. sometimes the wrong decision may end up leading down the better path, but the opposite applies as well. what im getting at is no matter what choices you make in life you can never look back and wonder what could've been because it will haunt you for the rest of your life. every decision you make in your lif will teach you a different lesson and you'll learn from it and you move on. the choices you make in life determine your life. you can decide to dwell on the past and what you should've done and it will slowly eat you alive or you can decide that there's nothing you can do to change the past and trust that your smart enough that you did make the right decision. how your life turns out is in your hands.

alive!!!!

somebody recently told me that the hardest times in life are what defines you as a person. thats very true. if you look back on all the bad shit you've had to put up with in you life, the people that broke your heart, the friends that abandoned you when you needed them most and overall anything or anyone that has ever hurt you. all of those things you've had to deal with have made you who you are to this day. during those times you might think there's no way you'll ever make it out alive or ever be normal again but after you do get through it makes you that much stronger as a person. another friend told me ''i dont have problems, i have obsticles i need to overcome.'' if you ever look at life like you have problems its going to be harder for you to solve it because you need an answer to solve a problem where as an obsticle you need strength and will power. i was delt a pretty tough hand by life and it just seemed like it was never gonna stop and sometimes still seems like its never gonna let up but everything i've ever had to deal with has made me be able to overcome anything life throws my way. yeah it'll still be har but you just gotta keep chuggin along and keep your head up cause no matter what happens it can always be worse and i promise you if you keep in the game you'll make it out alive!

my sister, my hero

erin peterson is honestly the most amazing person you'll ever meet. if you ever have had the priveledge to meet her then you'll know how awsome she is. for those of you who have been less fortunate ill fill you in on what your missing. she will brighten up not only your day, but your entire life! she can make you realize the meaning of life and how wonderful it is. she has a gift that not many possess and thats the gift of unconditional love. no matter what somebody might do to her she will never fill her heart with hate for that person because she understands that we are all human and we make errors in judgement same as she does beacause no body is perfect. she understands that if she fills her heart with such things that it ony ruins who she is and not them. forgiveness is a word often used in her vocabulary. when life throws me a curve ball and messes everything up, she is the one who helps me through it and most of the time she doesnt even know it. i sometimes just think about her strength and suddenly i have strength to get through whatever im dealing with. so for that i thank you sis. i know one day everyone will see what i see in you and you will change the world. i honestly believe that.

nice guys finish last

it always seems like no matter how kind you can be in life, people still screw you over without even thinking about it. but you know what, when im dead and gone i want people to remember who i was as a person. how giving i was, how thoughtful i was, how much i cared, how forgiving i was and overall i want people to think of me as an amazing person. now im not saying that eveyone will think that beacuse im not the best person out there but i am the best i can be. so people who are ass holes in this world might seem to get ahead in life. they get the girl, the job, the car. but to me all that means nothin. what really matters is the impact you have on people's lives. so my saying is ''nice guys finish last...but they have the greatest endings.'' personally i would rather have that being said about me then the so called ''achievements'' i had in life by walking all over people. life's not about how far you get but the impact you leave on the people you were around throughout you life.

thank heaven for little girls

the past couple days have been a bit rough for me. my fiance that left me last month started coming back to me and even asked me to be her boyfriend again. you dont even know how good that felt but i said not yet, i need you to show me that you really want me cause im not getting hurt again. she agreed and said ill show you, ill prove to you that your the one i want. that was monday night. it was right around tuesday afternoon she didnt wanna be with me at all. but you gotta try and stay positive because life will go on remember? fortunately i have my daughter around to help me. she doesnt really know it but i talk to her for hours while she sleeps its kinda my therepy. but theres also when she's awake we hang out and play and thats where the real magig happens. she reminds me of all the good things in this world, the reasons to be thankfull your alive and breathing, to be thankfull for hugs and kisses and laughter. so its getting better with time.